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Corky's Corner
Corky's Corner

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Having an Identical Crisis
By Corky

      A bridal party is no place for originality. As in pro sports, participants wear matching outfits so the guests know which team they're on. But unlike athletes, attendants must foot the bill for their own uniforms. Good thing they're not traded.
      It seems to me some folks carry the multiplicity bit a little too far though. Not only do the bridesmaids dress alike, they must wear the same shoes and jewelry and have their hair styled at the same salon. I'm surprised they're not issued matching skivvies.
      As if that's not enough of an identical crisis, some brides even choose attendants with the same relative size and shape to create a more uniform bridal party. That mentality could make for an interesting lineup if the bride-to-be is expecting.
      Is it me or have bridal parties grown over the years? I've seen as many as eight flawless clones march up the aisle. You'd think each would model some drop-dead gorgeous number. But despite the bride's feverish pursuit of the perfect wedding, she invariably selects a butt-ugly bridesmaid gown.
      How can fine fabrics like taffeta and lace team up to look so hideous? Worse than that, the average cost of outfitting a bridesmaid runs around $160. It's a crime to fork out good money only to look like Cinderella's "Before" picture.
      As far as style and color are concerned, anything goes these days. Even black gowns show up on the nuptial runway. When the big day is over, attendants can recycle them into karate pajamas.
      For the most part, though, bridesmaid dresses face a grim future after the wedding. An overwhelming number of them are exiled to the back of the closet. To help deal with this conundrum, a book called "101 Uses for a Bridesmaid Dress" recently hit the market. If its numerous suggestions don't trip your trigger, try Number 102: a REALLY fancy pup tent.
      Same with shoes. There aren't many occasions to wear rose colored pumps with cute little bows on top. And who'd want to, after the sons-of-bees gave you blisters? That, by the way, can be avoided by shopping for them late in the day when your foot size rivals that of Sasquatch.
      Either that or buy sneakers, which could have been the footwear choice for David Brown and his bride. The Port Huron couple recently exchanged vows on a tennis court. I can only guess what the bridesmaids wore.

      Corky is Lois Corcoran. Her column appears in the Ft. Worth Star Telegram Online and on a free parenting e-zine, The "M" Word.
"Jest Between You and Me," is now available at Hard Shell Word Factory. For a short reading, visit the Free Gallery of Authors' Voices.

Other Corky's:
Nifty Ways to Leave Your Caller
Waking up is hard to do
Exercising My Gluttonous Maximus
To Make An Obscene Phone Call, Please Press "1"

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